Pulling Him Closer
by quidditch7
Summary: COMPLETE. War. It changes the way people live, function...love. Ron moved away and lost touch with Hermione. Years later, their lives have been ripped apart but can bumping into each other put the pieces back together? RHr Romance.
1. Everything Has Changed

**Chapter 1:** Everything Has Changed

**Disclaimer:** HP belongs to the brilliant J.K.Rowling of course.

**A/N:** You may notice a few brief things written in this story that do not connect with HBP, that is because I began writing this story before HBP, however: this is a romance story and revolves around just that- romance, so this story is still good (b/c it's not an adventure that would _need_ facts from the HBP to be written).

No one knows, not even me, exactly why we had stopped talking, stopped seeing each other. Some said it was because there was too much tension after Harry's death, yes that dark haired boy had died- but what you think happened I am quite sure didn't. Just like the mystery of Ron and I no longer talking, Harry's death was never completely determined. He had in fact successfully killed the dark lord leaving the world in utter happiness, and leaving him to be one of the loneliest people in the world.

In the long war of our 7th year and the year following our graduation from Hogwarts; Ginny Weasley, the petite strong girl that she was, was tortured to death. She was used as bait to lure Harry to go fight Lord Voldemort in the final battle. Voldemort said he would let her go if Harry came and fought him, but when was that awful wizard ever true to his word? Never, and he didn't let down his reputation then either. When Harry came to fight him, Ginny was already dead. Many recall the story as that the frail red headed girl lay on the floor her hair tangled around her arms, motionless. Voldemort had tortured her to death, never wanting to let the chance to kill someone get away from him. I suppose you could say one reason why Harry struck Voldemort down that day, at the young age of 18, was because of his anger toward the dark wizard...he had loved Ginny so.

The Weasleys, Harry, and I were struck with grief beyond repair. Our bright little (yet fierce) Ginny had died at the young age of 17; she didn't even get a chance to live out her life to the full extent that it could have been lived. The light in Harry's eyes never shown anymore, he was forever gone so to speak. It was almost as if a dementor had sucked his soul out devoid of any of our knowledge. And when he died a year later probably of grief, it really was the last straw, especially for Ron. It was said that Ron went a bit mad, not completely though. Crazy enough to haunt himself, but not crazy enough to warrant himself a bed in St. Mungo's.

I remember him telling me, his hair all mused up from not showering for days, that he wished he had gone all the way crazy. That it would have been better than being stuck in between sane and crazy, that he wished he could be dead just like his sister and best friend. Oh I loved that boy so...and he knew it. I knew he loved me too, but who could show their feelings in such dreary times? No one I would expect...especially not us.

That had been the last time I spoke to him. He left the next day, he said something about needing to get away and didn't even attend Harry's funeral. Well his need to get away has kept him for nearly 5 years. Just last year I found out that he lived in an upstairs apartment in London about ten miles from where I live, and had been living there since he had left his home at the Burrow. I guess when Ginny and Harry died; he forgot that he still had me.

I've spent many years just wondering what I had done to cause him to lose faith in me, to leave with out even so much as a good-bye. He just seemed to disregard our 9 years of friendship. I don't think he really cared about how I felt, about how I had nearly drowned in my sorrows of my lost friends also. I saw my red headed friend, the only person I had ever truly loved, a few times around town...perhaps at the grocery market, but all I ever received was a nervous smile. Maybe he didn't remember me? But how could he not...I still had my bushy hair of course.

To my surprise and utter most embarrassment I still feel a flutter in my stomach every time I see him. For Merlin's sake I feel a flutter every time I see a flash of red, thinking it must be my Ron coming back to me. He had found himself, and he's coming back to me after all. But I'm still waiting for that boy, maybe he knows I am.

**A/N:** All of the chapters after this will be at least twice as long, but this needed to be by itself to give the overall picture of things. Through out this story a lot of those things that are introduced in this chapter will become clearer.


	2. Tea

**Chapter 2: **Tea

**Disclaimer:** Nope- Harry Potter doesn't belong to me. I wish, but no.

**A/N:** To let you know...all the flashbacks, dreams, daydreaming, memories, etc. in this story will be in italics. I hope you like this chapter!

_It was two weeks after Harry had destroyed Voldemort and we were sitting in the funeral parlor for Ginny's wake ceremony. I kept thinking to myself that we were all supposed to be happy...Voldemort was dead! We should be having a celebration of the downfall of the dark lord. But how could we be happy? Ginny was no longer with us. I looked to the other side of the room at Harry. He appeared to be working up the courage to walk towards Ginny's casket. I looked up at her casket myself, feeling a shiver go through my spine. One of my closest friends was in that oak box up there. I stood and walked silently over to Harry, the sound of my heals echoing on the wooden floor. I put my arm through his and guided him up to her casket. I had underestimated how hard it would be for myself to see Ginny and not be able to talk to her, to hug her. I saw Harry wipe his face with the sleeve of his jacket. He must be crying, but I couldn't look at him for fear that I too would begin to cry also. I had done my fair share of crying during the war and after Ginny's death. I definitely had, and I didn't want to start up again. As we approached the casket I let go of Harry's arm and looked over the oak wall surrounding her. There was our Ginny. She looked so pleasant, something I couldn't understand for she had died suffering...that bastard had made her suffer. Harry looked down at Ginny and immediately let out a loud sob and looked away. My hands began to tremble as I looked from Harry's greif stricken face to Ginny's still, stiff body. I hugged him and whispered in his ear "It will be ok Harry, I know it will." He looked me in my eyes, for the first time since he had brought home Ginny's body after the final battle. That's when I saw it in his eyes and I began to cry too. That's when I saw the last bit of emotion in his red eyes telling me that it wouldn't be okay for him and that he had lost all hope. He looked away and shut me out with just one turn of his head. _

_"Let me do this alone, Hermoine," he muttered. _

_"Of course" and I walked back to my seat by Ron. Ron was the only one who hadn't cried since Ginny died, he just sat there and didn't talk much. I came to the conclusion that he must not have been able to cry even if he wanted to. I had been begging him just to let it all out but he wouldn't, couldn't. _

_"Oh Ron, I'm so sorry," I whispered to him placing my hand on his knee. He looked from my hand to my face and it was then that I saw the sadness lingering in the blue pools of his eyes. It was as if in one day I had been given the power to tell emotions through the eyes, or so that's how it felt. He looked like he hadn't slept in days and it made my heart ache._

_"She didn't deserve to die," he said hoarsely. "God dammit she didn't deserve to die!" He kicked the chair that sat in front of him before standing up quickly and exiting the funeral parlor, me following closely behind._

---

I shook my head, as if to rid my mind of that image of Ron. The image of him being so messed up. I turned my attention back to the article I was writing. I had been day dreaming once again. I don't know why but I always think of that day at Ginny's wake six years ago. The sadness seemed to surround me that day; I had felt like I couldn't breath, everyone was so hurt. Why hadn't Ron just let me talk to him! Why couldn't I see Harry was so close to the breaking point? I blamed so much of these things on myself, but I was right to. I was too caught up in everything and I'd failed to notice Ron going crazy and Harry becoming so depressed that he no longer wanted to live. It seemed so crazy that I hadn't seen Ron in three years. He had left the Burrow five years ago to 'find himself' and I had only seen him once since then in Diagon Alley at Gringotts.

"Ms. Granger I don't hear that typewriter. Now stop day dreaming about who knows what and get back to work!" That was Jerry, my boss, and now the owner of The Daily Prophet.

For a moment I considered yelling at him for calling one of my best friends death, another's insanity, and another's depression (that lead to death) as 'who knows what'. But I came to my senses and decided to get back to work. I resumed typing my article of 'Are Death Eaters still at Large?', and all my thoughts of Ron drifted away.

Finally it was 6 o'clock and I could go home to my cozy apartment. I began to walk home, needing the fresh air. It may sound silly but walking seemed to help me think. I walked into my apartment complex and making sure there was no one around took out my wand and muttered 'alohorama'. My door unlocked with a click and I entered my small apartment. It was nothing special and it got lonely, but it was home. I was exhausted and took off my long parka before collapsing on the couch, not even bothering to take off my black work shoes. Crookshanks came trotting out of my room to greet me with a purr.

"Why hello there Crookshanks. Did you miss me doll?" He was all I had really. After my mum had died two years ago my dad and I only spent time together at Easter and Christmas because it had become too difficult. We reminded eachother of mum too much and although deep down we knew it was stupid, we thought that it was better to spend as little of time as we could together because of it. I had had my friends; but to put it frankly Ginny had been murdered, Harry had died of grief, and Ron left with out so much as a good-bye. My eyes watered slightly thinking of what screwed up lives my friends and I had. God, Hogwarts was so great...we were all so happy. The only thing to fight about was if Ron called me a bookworm, and we would bicker about it. The only thing to be scared about was what predicament Harry would find himself in each year. And the only shyness shown was from Ginny when Harry was around. But that had of course all changed our sixth year when Ginny and Harry began to date. Ron and I never really dated but we both knew we liked each other, and there weren't ever times in our seventh year when we would miss a chance to touch each other's hand or sit next to each other...and maybe even occasionally give each other a quick kiss. My eyes began watering again thinking of all we had gone through. I blinked the tears away and stood up quickly scaring Crookshanks in the process.

"Ready for some dinner baby?" I asked my ginger cat before pouring him some dry cat food and flicking my wand toward the stove to turn it on to make some tea to go with what ever I was going to make for dinner. I hadn't realized until now how hungry I was. I had missed lunch to interview Mr. Fudge about what he thought about the death eaters, and if they were still at large. Personally, I thought it was a bizarre topic for my editor to assign me. After all the death eaters were just desperate blokes trying to get power, but even they had to realize there was no hope for them after Harry defeated Voldemort.

I sighed before walking back out of my kitchen and laying back down on my fluffy couch to wait for my tea to boil, and before I knew it I quickly drifted off to sleep.

_---_

_I was at the Order's head quarters sitting in a large wooden chair, my finger nails grinding into the arms of my chair leaving half moon arcs in the wood. Harry was in battle with Voldemort at this very minute. We all knew it. Voldemort had told Harry to come and fight him to get back Ginny, for she had been kidnapped by Bellatrix Lestrange the day before. Harry had said he wanted to go alone, and Dumbledore permitted him because there was no one who could possibly help Harry. The prophecy had said there would indeed be a battle between them and only one of them would live. He knew it was time. I thought it was crazy, that he should just go get Ginny and wait until he was more prepared to battle Voldemort, but Harry would hear nothing of it._

_The days ticked by like minutes and it was almost a week later when appeared back at the headquarters. Lupin, Dumbledore, Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Weasley, Ron and I rushed out to the entrance hall of the house when we heard the door open and slam. We were greeted with the sight of Harry standing in the front hallway entrance of Grimmauld Place, Ginny in his arms. But she wasn't moving. It was so quiet I could hear my own heart pounding. Not even the portraits on the walls were making a sound for they were filled with sudden interest as to what was going on. I heard Lupin gasp and Mrs. Weasley let out a sob when Harry dropped to his knees and began screaming incoherently. I did make out one thing he said though. "HE KILLED HER!" I grabbed Ron, who's face was as white as a ghost's, and sunk my head into his chest as I began to cry loudly. How could this happen! Mrs. Weasley made to rush toward Harry and her lifeless daughter but Mr. Weasley held her back, shock written clearly accross his ageing face. That was one of the few times I had ever seen Dumbledore so grave. And the look on all the Weasley's faces, including Ron's, was something I never wanted to see again. I lifted my head from Ron's chest and looked back at Harry. He was acting mad, he somehow had managed to stand up and grab hold of a chair and throw it across the room, never letting go of Ginny._

_"Is he dead, Harry?" Dumbledore was the first one to speak._

_"YES he's dead, but so is she! Cant you see professor...ALL I have ever had...they are all dead. All because of this man...EVERYTHING is gone!" he rambled on and on but I couldn't stand it and I covered my ears not wanting to hear any more; not wanting to hear Mrs.Weasley screaming and pointing at her baby Ginny. Pointing at Ginny whose hair was frail and all tangled around her body. She had been tortured. _

_Mrs. Weasley screamed and screamed..._

_---_

I woke up with a start to hear my teakettle steaming loudly to let me know it was done. God, I had had that same dream about Harry coming back from the battle two nights in a row now, and I was beginning to think there was something wrong with me. I had been thinking so much about the war lately. Maybe it was all this studying on death eaters for my story that I have been working on for a month, I would simply just have to tell Jerry I didn't want to write this story anymore and to give it to someone else. Yeah right, and then lose my job I thought.

I sighed, wiping the sweat off my forehead that had probably accumulated there during my dream. I stood slowly, prepared my tea, and grabbed some left over meatloaf out of the fridge before sitting down to eat, not even bothering to warm up my meal.

**A/N:** I _hope_ to update next saturday...but I can't promise anything. Thanks for reading- please review :)


	3. Not That I'm Complaining

**Chapter 3:** Not That I'm Complaining

**Disclaimer:** I do not own HP.

I picked my head up off my pillow at the sound of my alarm. Yuck, I thought, it's only six o'clock I really need a vacation. I drowsily eased my way out of bed before making my way towards the bathroom, only stopping to grab a pink fluffy towel out of the closet. A hideous towel that I had been forced into buying by a friend that wouldn't stop telling me 'what a steal these towels are'. God it feels like I haven't slept in years, and to a point that sounds about right. I undressed slowly before turning on the faucet to the shower and stepping in, the warm water beginning to wake me up. I closed my eyes letting the warm shower water cascade down over my head, feeling as if I were out in the rain.

---

_Just a typical Saturday for us seventh years: breakfast in the Great Hall, homework, and lounging outside. Harry was off somewhere with Ginny so it was just Ron and I standing outside on the Hogwarts grounds, with not much to do. It began raining, the water oddly warm, making my skin prickle. I looked over at Ron smiling before raising my arms into the air and twirling around as if I was an Indian my self, just dancing, trying to call the rains- make them keep coming. I loved rain; it seemed to wash away all the filth in the world. _

_Ron glanced over at me sending me a look that must have clearly meant something such as "your mad", but I could tell he was smiling underneath his confused glances. He was probably wondering why a bookworm such as me was acting so...well strange, spontaneous._

_"Er...want to go inside Hermione?" my red headed friend asked me slowly._

_"Now why would I want to do a thing like that?" I smiled widely grabbing his hand and twirling him around with me. Now we were both rain dancing, the gods surely couldn't deny such a force as this. And to my uttermost satisfaction the rain started coming down harder, almost at a down poor. I grabbed Ron's hand and began to run towards a tree (careful that I didn't pick the Womping Willow), pulling him behind me. I ran under the giant oak and let go of Ron's hand. Now slightly shielded from the rain under the tree's massive branches I could see clearly again and laughed at Ron's mused appearance. His hair was plastered to his head and water dripped from his nose._

_"Stop laughing at me! What?" but my only response was to kiss him on the cheek lightly, my own cheeks turning pink from embarrassment. "Oh" was all he muttered before breaking out into one of his famous Weasley grins._

_But then his face turned serious._

_"Mione do you suppose the war is going to get real bad this year?" he asked me with such concern, and the fact that he cared made my feelings intensify for him just that much more._

_"I don't know Ron, I hope not, but it has to get worse before it can get better."_

---

I stepped out of the shower wrapping my towel around me quickly, not bothering to worry about the water I was getting all over the floor from my wet feet and dripping hair. I was too immersed in my thoughts of Ron, but when was I not? Too lazy to dry my hair myself (which would usually produce a less bushy effect) I grabbed my wand and preformed a quick spell causing my hair to dry immediately, before throwing it up into a clip. I walked back into my room lazily picking out my attire for the day: a long black skirt, light blue blouse, and black clogs. I sighed coming to the conclusion that that pink towel was about the only unique thing I owned. Once I was dressed I took a look at myself in the full lenth mirror hanging on my closet door and sighed before making my way to the kitchen.

I looked in my fridge finding it nearly empty except for a small glass dish of meatloaf. I would just have to make a point to stop at the Cafe on my way to work, that's all. I always walked to work, I could apparate if I liked, but I'm always up for fresh air. I grabbed my small black purse and coat.

"See you later Crooks." I muttered to my cat before walking out the door of my apartment. I walked at a slow and deliberate pace as I headed down the apartment complex stairs towards the outdoors. It was going to be a long day. As I walked down the street I took a beathe of the fresh air and tried to clear my mind of all thoughts. After only two blocks I turned the corner and spotted the Cafe. It's a small cozy brick building, and always full of people ready to get their own quick breakfast like myself. The first time I'd seen the Cafe I had been strangely reminded of various small shops in Hogsmeade and I've loved visiting it ever since. It made me feel like everything was as it used to be. I walked inside and the bell over the door rang, announcing my presence.

I took a few steps and stood behind a tall man with brown hair in the line accumulating behind the cash register. I looked up at the menu posted on the wall even though I knew exactly what I was getting and I felt myself becoming distracted as I let myself do quite often.

"Next." I heard the cashier but it didn't really register until a lady behind me tapped me on the shoulder and pointed in front of me.

"Oh yes, I'll take a blueberry muffin and a coffee please." I ordered with the friendliest look I could muster, handing him money.

"Here's your change."

Grabbing my order and change from the cashier I decided it best to just eat at work for I was running late already. I began to, somehow, walk towards the exit while also stuffing change in my purse. I bumped into someone quite abruptly almost spilling coffee all down my blouse.

"Oh for Merlin's sake, I'm so sorry." I muttered looking up with a guilty smile. My face dropped when I saw the read hair and freckly face. No, it couldn't possibly be. "I uh...Ron?"

"Wha- is that you Hermione?" he asked staring at me with his mouth open. I attempted to organize myself, almost spilling my coffee again.

"Ron?" He was still staring at me! "Would you please stop trying to catch flies in your mouth and help me out here?" Oh wow had I missed that beautiful face of his.

He seemed to snap out of it and grabbed my coffee and muffin from me. I threw my change in my purse before tossing it haphazardly over my shoulder; sometimes I don't even know why I carry a purse! I took my breakfast back from Ron and just stood there looking at him, wanting to ask him so many questions. The top question on my mind of course being: 'why didn't you ever come back?'. But I couldn't possibly ask him that right now, I hadn't even seen the man in three years. He looked good though, he was still tall and a bit gangly but he looked somewhat happier than when I had seen him last. His hair was longer and he wore nicer clothes, although his shirt tail was still untucked.

"Well, er...yeah. Hey I...better go, uh you know I'm a bit busy," he mumbled. Oh yes I thought to myself, of course there's always an excuse. I can see right through him though, even now I can tell when he's lying; he probably has all the time in the world.

"Yeah that's what I thought. Bye Ron, it was nice seeing you I guess," I responded coolly. I couldn't believe that that was all we could say to eachother after all those years of friendship. I began to walk away and I felt that tug in my stomach like the rest of my body wanted to stay with Ron while my brain disagreed.

"Bye," but as I turned away he touched my arm slightly sending a chill down my spine, causing me to turn back towards him. "By the way Mione, you look great," he said casually and I felt my mouth drop. That's all he had to say to me after not speaking to me for five years? Not seeing me for three years? Not an "I'm sorry" or maybe just a simple "I've missed you". No all I get is a "you look great". Not that I'm complaining but for Merlin's sake the man wont even talk to me he's so screwed up, but he can sure as hell compliment me. I scowled and walked out of the cafe quickly, I was late for work; again.


	4. What a Day

**Chapter 4:** What a Day

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter, JKR does.

I wasn't usually the type of person to be late. But ever since things had gone astray in my life six years ago, with Ginny's death, I stopped caring so much. I ran a few blocks then dashed into an abandoned alley where no one could see me and apparated to The Daily Prophet. I don't think muggles are very accustomed to seeing people disappear out of thin air. Much to my disappointment Jerry was sitting in my chair, his feet on my desk, pointing to his watch. He looked up at me almost smiling.

"Oh wow, you are only fifteen minutes late this morning. It must be a record." His face turned serious. "I know you have been through a lot Ms. Granger, that is one of the reasons I hired you. But that does NOT excuse you from making it to work on time." he pounded his hand on my desk causing me to jump.

---

_I had waited two damn months for that red head to come back. I had stayed at the Weasley's, probably imposing on them, although they say I wasn't. I hadn't worked; I had barely slept, and rarely even ate. The only thing I really did do was cry. Ron said he needed to find himself, but I didn't think he had meant it! What did he need to find? He had me, he had his family. _

_"Hermoine dear." I heard Mrs. Weasley knock on my door with a shaky voice. Suddenly I felt ashamed, I wasn't the one who had lost a child, well lost two children in a sense. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley were. I wiped away my tears quickly before sitting up in the bed they had let me stay in._

_"Come in," I muttered trying to sound normal, as if everything was okay._

_I hadn't noticed until now, when Mrs. Weasley walked in, just how much she had been affected by all the things going on since the war. Her hair seemed to have grayed slightly and she was much more slim than she had been before the war. She sat down next to me on my bed putting an arm around me. _

_"Oh Hermoine, I can't stand to see you like this. I know how you feel dear. You are always welcome here, but maybe if you were to go get a job and get out on your own a bit you would feel better. You wouldn't be reminded of Ginny, Harry, and Ron so much." I saw her close her eyes as she mentioned all of my friend's names, and her children's names (for she considered Harry her child too). I knew I couldn't stay here anymore and I was glad Mrs. Weasley had talked to me, gave me the extra push._

_"Yes Mrs. Weasley, I know, I will be leaving tomorrow." I reassured her, even though I knew I was the one who needed reassurance._

_So I left to go look for a job. I took many job interviews of different occupations that I could have succeeded in easily, yet I blew them all. I was so stupid! I would always forget what I was going to say and stumble over my words in the interviews. Probably because I was thinking of other things and not what I was trying to tell the interviewer. My last choice of a job had been The Daily Prophet, and that's where I found myself one day._

_"Ah yes, you must be...Ms. Granger," a tall man, probably ten years older than me was looking down at my resume. "It says here that you were one of the brightest witches at Hogwarts, why would someone as intelligent as you want to work here?" I was slightly taken aback by this question, was he bashing his own newspaper? _

_"I don't know, I suppose because I couldn't work anywhere else." I wanted to hit myself on my forehead, I had done it again, answered before I thought through what I was going to say._

_"Well I do like honesty. Most of the time that is," he chuckled mildly. "And why can't you work anywhere else?"_

_Dear lord, I found myself spilling out everything to him. About Harry fighting Voldemort (he knew of this of course), about Ginny's death, Harry's death, and Ron's departure. Then saying how I always said the wrong things when in an interview, prime example being today. You don't tell an interviewer this I kept thinking; he must think I'm crazy. Yet all he did was shake his head._

_"You are nine-teen and you have gone through all of this?" _

_"Y-yes," I responded quietly._

_"Then I guess you really need this job?" _

_I shook my head up and down quickly._

_"Be careful there you don't want to hurt your neck," I blushed deeply. "Then you've got yourself a job."_

_"Wait. What?"_

_"I said you've got a job. But you better write well for me, I'm expecting a lot from you."_

_I must have thanked him twenty times before he shooed me out of his office telling me to show up tomorrow morning at 8:00 o' clock sharp._

---

"I'm so sorry Jerry," I really meant it to, he had stuck his neck out for me and I never did one thing for him in return.

"You have been working here for almost five years and I think you have been on time a total of five times. You are one of my favorite reporters, this is however your last chance!" he got up from my desk chair and walked out of the room briskly.

"Yes sir," I called after him quietly.

My friend Jeni walked into my office with a frown. "I heard what happened," she muttered in that high-pitched voice of her's.

"Who didn't? He's so god damn loud," I fell into my chair behind my desk with a flop. Jeni was the only other one besides Jerry and the Weasley's who knew about everything I had gone through. "Oh Jen what am I going to do?"

"Show up for work on time?" she giggled a little before receiving a glare from me. "How about you and I go out tonight, just us girls?"

"Oh Jen...I don't know, I'm awfully tired."

"That's bull, you're just anti-social," she walked over and poked me in my side making me jump. I smiled; you had to give it to her, she did try. She was always trying to make me feel better, and even comes close to succeeding every one and a while.

"Ok Jen, but we can't stay out too late."

"Hermione, it's Friday!"

"Yeah yeah what ever, now leave before I get fired for not working hard enough." I stood up and pushed her out of my office before sitting down to hopefully finish my article.

I worked hard on my article for nearly five hours, emerging from my office with numb fingers. Jeni was always so critical of how long it took me to write a single article, this one had taken me months and it still wasn't perfect yet. I guess that's what Jerry liked about me, everything I wrote had to be perfect or it wasn't done. Of course I wrote smaller articles on the side though. I walked out of my office to see Jeni clearing off her desk for the day. She was a petite girl, with dark green eyes and blonde hair with big bouncy curls. My guess was she slept in rollers every night, how else could her hair be so curly? She turned to me right when I reached her desk and smiled telling me that we were going to have fun.

A night out couldn't be that bad, could it? But boy was I wrong. We apparated to a club called "W&W" also known as: Witches and Wizards. Oh how very creative I thought to myself. The club was dark except for the red lights shining down on the dance floor. It wasn't too tacky I suppose. We sat down at a table near the back of the place, me ordering a butterbeer and her a fire whisky. I have no idea how she can drink that stuff, one glass of fire whisky for me and I would be out like a light. I even recall getting a little woozy on butter beer once. I guess my body just doesn't take well to alcohol, not that I cared; I didn't think drinking was very smart anyway.

"Oh this is real fun," I yelled sarcastically over all the noise.

"Yes, just us girls talking," Jen remarked, grinning.

"We could talk at one of our houses and I wouldn't be deaf by the end of the night either!" but she didn't seem to hear me.

A tall handsome man was walking over and he asked Jeni for a dance, and she left with out even asking me if I minded. I finished my butter beer and got up to walk home. When Jeni finds a man that she likes, that really all she cares about for the first week or so of her relationship with them. I selfishly found myself hoping that whoever that bold and handsome guy was, he wouldn't want to date Jeni. Then maybe I wouldn't have to go through not talking to anyone for a week. So immersed in my thoughts I didn't notice someone walking toward me, and neither did they because he ran into me.

"Watch where you're walking!" I said barring my teeth so as to keep my temper down. I was clearly not in the best mood.

"Twice in a day. Wow," I looked up to see Ron standing there looking down at me. Great, what luck I thought sarcastically.

"I have to go Ron, move," why was I being such a prat? He stepped out of the way and I jogged out of the club just wanting to get some fresh air. I heard the door swing open behind me again and someone walked outside.

"Mione?" It was of course Ron.

"Don't call me that," I spat rudely

"What's your problem? You've changed so much."

I spun around to see him standing right in front of me, our faces so close that our noses were nearly touching. I was full of rage. "Excuse me? Did I just hear you right? Maybe I should be the one asking questions. Like hmm...how about why didn't you ever come back Ron?"

"There was nothing to come back to," my face fell, so that was the reason. All those night I had spent trying to convince myself that he really didn't want to leave me, were an absolute waste. I could have just asked him why he didn't come back; he didn't find it very difficult to say he didn't care for me. "I talked to Harry the morning I left and he said I should leave for a little bit."

"A little bit is not five years Ron...whoa wait! Do you think that's funny?"

"Do I think what is funny?"

"Harry was dead a week before you left, you know that. You didn't even bother to show up for his funeral."

His features softened totally ignoring what I had just said, "Oh yes and Ginny says hello by the way."

Oh my god, he really had gone mad. My face screwed up in a look that probably portrayed all the emotions I was feeling; anger, confusion, and sadness.

"Ron?"

"Yes she says hello and that her and Harry are getting married," he wasn't joking, he was absolutely insane.

"Shut up! Its not funny," tears started to fall from my eyes. Just then Jeni burst outside, probably wondering where I was. When she saw me crying she ran over to me quickly wrapping her arms around me.

"Hermione, are you okay? Who is this?"

"He's no one," I didn't care that Ron flinched at this, clearly hurt. "Let's go."

And with that Jeni and I apparated to my apartment.

**A/N:** In this chapter, I tried to portray how messed up Ron really is. Well thanks for reading- let me know what you think in a review :)


	5. You Still Have Ron

**Chapter 5:** You Still Have Ron

**Disclaimer:** nope, I dont own HP...I wish, but I dont!

I found myself standing in front of Jeni in my living room and I knew I had a lot of explaining to do.

"Hermoine who the heck was that and why are you crying?" she was the type of person who didn't beat around the bush. When she wanted to know something she asked and she expected a truthful answer in return.

"It was Ron," I stopped crying abruptly and began pacing around the room. I saw Jeni's face pale.

"But you haven't seen him in years!"

"No kidding."

"Don't be smart with me, and would you stop pacing!" I cringed at her high screech and actually did stop to look at her. She didn't yell much and it had surprised me. She smiled, "Sit down hun, and tell me why you are crying."

"I can't sit, I'm too worked up. Oh my god you should have heard him Jen, he was acting all crazy. He started talking about how he talked to Harry before he left the Burrow and how he has been talking to Ginny lately."

"So?"

"Those are my two friends who past away," I mumbled quietly

"Oh my," she raised her eyebrows; I had known the girl for five years- she was now in thinking mode. "You never told me he was so weird!"

"I didn't know he was that messed up, it's as it was before he left. He would be perfectly normal then just start acting all weird. That's the only way to explain it," I tried to remember the day that caused Ron to begin changing so much.

---

_It had been almost a year since Ginny's death, and everyone was starting to act and feel normal again. Well as normal as someone can act with the death of a dear friend and family member. There wasn't a day that we didn't all think of Ginny, not a day we didn't wish she could spend with us, but finally we were back to going among our daily routines. Almost just how life had been, almost._

_"Ron if you don't clean up your clothes right now I will- I will..." Ron came over and put his arms around my waist. We were still not a couple but the fact that we liked each, a lot, was evident to anyone and everyone. _

_"You'll do what?" _

_"Hey that's not fair, you're playing on my emotions," I spun around to face him taking my wand out of my back pocket, "I'll hex you!"_

_He grabbed my wand, "Now I never have to pick up my clothes because you have no wand to hex me with," he stuck his tongue out at me playfully. Oh what a git, I picked up his wand off his dresser and pointed it at him triumphantly. I began to laugh at the look on his face._

_"Dammit, you win," he walked over to his clothes with his head down and began to pick them up. I smiled; winning was, after all, a brilliant feeling._

_The next thing I knew Ron ran at me and tackled me on the floor tickling my stomach. You would have never known we were nineteen years old. I was laughing so hard it took me a full minute to notice Mrs. Weasley in the doorway, but when I did my face fell. Ron kept tickling me until he saw the change in my face and looked up to see what I was looking at. Mrs. Weasley stood in the doorway with tears coursing down her cheeks_. _Ron was off of me and to the door in a flash asking his mum what was wrong. _

_"You best sit down dearies," her voice was shaky and it was making me nervous. We sat down on the bed and she stood in front of us._

_"M-Mrs. Weasley?"_

_"Harry well ...Harry was found dead this morning in his apartment. Oh lord I knew we should have insisted on him staying here." I sat there in shock before my damn emotions gave way and my eyes began to water. Mrs. Weasley wrapped her arms around me trying to give me comfort. I felt ill, and ran to the bathroom trying to keep my lunch from coming up. I stood over the sink grasping the edges of the porcelain counter so tightly my hands began to ache. I prayed and prayed that this was all a mistake, that our raven-haired best friend was still alive. He was just joking with us, of course he was. When I regained my composure, as much as one could at a time like this, I walked back into Ron's room as quickly as my wobbly legs would carry me. _

_Right when I walked in I saw Ron out of the corner of my eye. He was pacing and mumbling to himself: "But the death eaters are gone, Voldemort is gone... no he wouldn't have done that."_

_"Ronald they say he died of grief," Mr. Weasley's voice startled me; he must have come in while I was in the bathroom._

_"That's not possible dad, he's been through so much. He could have lived forever; someone had to have killed him."_

_"No son, Harry didn't want to live anymore. He loved you and Hermione, but I suppose with Ginny's death he had reached his breaking point," Mr. Weasley's eyes were bloodshot, "His parents died, then Sirius, then Ginny. I think there's just a point in someone's life when they have had enough."_

_"We must not have spent enough time with him," I finally spoke, and I sat back down on the bed before my knees had a chance to give out._

_"This is not something to blame on yourself Hermione. The thing is, Harry didn't want us to see him suffer. I wish I could have helped too but I don't know how much it would have even done for him," Mrs. Weasley put her hand on my back to soothe me as I continued to cry openly. _

_"No, he can not be dead! Do you hear me?" Ron yelled and kicked a wooden chair sending it toppling on its side. It wasn't fair, why did my friends have to die. It wasn't normal; I just want a normal life!_

_"Mrs. Weasley I'm so scared, why does everyone I love have to die?" I whispered in her ear as Mr. Weasley tried to calm Ron. _

_"Not everyone my dear, you still have Ron," and a fresh tear fell from the woman's eye landing on my arm._

_---_

"Hermione? Earth to Hermione...er...I see what Jerry means about daydreaming," Jeni was waving her arms in front of my face wildly. I shook my head clearing away my thoughts.

"Oh. Sorry Jen, what did you say?" I mumbled moving to my cupboard to get out some coffee.

"I asked if you miss him," she said quietly knowing full well I wouldn't want to hear this question.

"Of course I do Jen," I opened the coffee box a little more violently then needed making Jeni jump, "But it doesn't matter, if we ever became close again he'd just run away. Plus I don't think I can stand the emotional strain of being reminded of everything that happened after the war. I've forgotten it all and I want to keep it that way."

"What do you day dream about all the time if you've forgotten the past? And what makes you think HE would be the one to run away?" god damn her and her millions of questions.

"Jen!" I groaned, clearly annoyed.

"Ok...okay I'm just trying to make a point."

"Point taken, now don't tell me you didn't get that tall guys number and you aren't dieing to call him," I smiled at her, I knew her well.

"Can I barrow your phone?" she bounced up and down on my couch enthusiastically.

"As long as you stop breaking my furniture and start acting like the twenty-four year old you are, yes you may," I responded coolly before finishing making my coffee in the kitchen. She stuck her tongue out at me and went in my room to go use the phone. However much I appreciated her comfort, I liked to be by myself and think when I'm distressed.

I added some crème to my coffee and grabbed a blanket from my closet. I laid down on my couch with my blanket tilting my head back on the armrest, then I took a sip of my coffee savoring the earthy taste and closed my eyes. I heard Jeni giggling in the other room, probably flirting with that mystery man of hers. I sighed, I felt so empty, like I hadn't eaten in days. I wasn't hungry though, and couldn't have eaten if I wanted to. I was really just so very alone. I couldn't recall ever feeling so lonely since the day Ron had left five years ago.

**A/N:** Hope you liked it, reviews are appreciated :)


	6. Strawberries and Icing

**Chapter 6:** Strawberry and Icing

**Disclaimer:** if HP belonged to me I would be the happiest person in the world...but I'm not the happiest person in the world...so that probably means I'm not JKRowling.

I heard a loud noise of pots banging together followed by a crash of medal hitting my linoleum kitchen floor that echoed throughout my apartment. My stomach lurched. I bolted up out of the couch picking my wand up from the coffee table and pointing it straight at the intruder in my kitchen. My eyes were blurry and my head spinning, I must not have slept well last night. As I became more aware of my surroundings last night came flooding back, of course Jeni must have spent the night. My vision became clearer, and the site of my friend standing there with her hands in the air and her mouth wide open was almost comical. My kitchen was so bright, filled with white walls and silver appliances, it nearly blinded me.

"I was... I was going to make you some eggs," she sputtered, obviously shocked by my sudden gesture. I wasn't always this jumpy, but after living alone for five years it's certainly not an everyday thing to hear someone tearing up your kitchen at...I looked at the clock on my stove...

"Merlin Jeni, it's only seven."

"I know, I know. But last night was just so exciting," even being a journalist she wasn't too good with words, "Well not exciting. Oh never mind I just thought you'd like a nice breakfast for a change instead of your usual muffin."

I dismissed the idea of (literally) throwing Jeni out of my apartment when I saw that giddy smile on her face.

"So you like that boy don't you?" she blushed, as if that wasn't answer enough.

"What boy?" she looked nervously at her tiny bare feet, sometimes her gestures reminded me of a child's.

"Fine, never mind," I knew just how to get her talking. I made my way back toward the couch, and the next thing I knew Jeni came running behind me- pan in hand. "Jeni put the pan down before you injure yourself. Or worse injure me." I almost laughed. She's not a very coordinated person, and that's an understatement.

"Oh Hermione, he's absolutely amazing. We talked for a full hour last night, I'll pay you back of course for the phone bill," I smiled and tried to remember what it had felt like to be so excited about a relationship with someone. I had never really dated anyone, and had only expressed my feelings once, so I guess I had never felt that new spark as she was feeling now. And as she sat on the couch with her legs curled under her and a huge smiled plastered on her face I was nearly envious of her.

"What's his name?"

"David." I nodded; it was quite a nice name. "He used to live..." she continued talking for several minutes as I shook my head up and down not really paying attention. After what was probably five minutes of solid David-talk she seemed to be finished. "So how about those eggs?" I kept staring outside through my sliding glass door that lead to my balcony; my apartment was on the third floor. I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

"Sorry Jeni, I have none," Actually, unless she liked meatloaf, she wasn't getting anything for breakfast.

"Let's go to the market then!" wow who ever this David guy was, he sure as heck was making my blonde haired friend happy.

"It's seven in the morning," I glared at her.

"If you are worried about how your appearance is this early in the morning, don't, you look fine."

"I don't care what I look like," and I didn't, I just wanted sleep. A lot of sleep for that matter.

"Hermioneee, get up!" She jumped up and was about to grab my arm when the phone started to ring. She made a mad dash for the phone.

"AH ah ah... my phone, don't answer it," now that was definitely one of my pet peeves. Jeni WAS my friend, and a great one at that...but it wasn't her phone to answer. "Let the machine get it." I wasn't up for talking to anyone, as I wasn't quite awake yet. I buried my head back in the armrest of my sofa and tried to ignore the pouting noises Jeni was making. I heard my answering machine beep and then my voice coming from my bedroom.

"Hello you've reached Hermione Granger. I'm not in right now, but if you leave your name and number I will make sure to get back to you as soon as possible." I made a mental note to change that recording later, I sounded so falsely cheery it made me cringe.

I pulled my blanket back up over my body thinking no one would leave a message at seven in the morning. I began considering what excuse could get me out of going to the market as I could still feel Jen staring at me. Maybe I'd let Jeni call David or something while I slept.

"Uh...Hello? Er Mione? I guess that means that I just say something and you will get it later? Well this is Ron, you know Weasley." I jumped up into a sitting position as my neck began to turn pink and I saw Jeni out of the corner of my eye staring at me. "It took me quite a while to look you up and find your number. I guess I just wanted to well apologize for last night, I didn't mean to upset you. If you want to talk I'll be at the train station all day." I found myself wanting to smile. Even after all of these years that Ron had probably been using phones since he left, he was still unsure about how to leave a message. My body froze with realization; did he just ask me to go to the station and talk to him?

"Why would he be at the train station all day?" Jeni asked me.

"Well I guess if _you_ really want to know, we could find out," I knew I was just looking for an excuse to go see Ron, but so what...

A mere thirty minutes later, I found myself standing inside the train station in my best skirt. Jeni stood next to me wringing her hands as though she was the one who should be nervous.

"Where do you suppose he is?" Jeni asked me anxiously, it was quite obvious that despite the nervousness of meeting someone new she was buzzing with excitement.

"Platform 9 and three quarters?" I really didn't know, but where else would a wizard be?

Even after all of these years of walking through the brick wall to platform nine and three quarters it sent a chill up my spine. Just as I emerged I saw a flash of red and knew immediately it was Ron. Its funny how there is always one characteristic about someone that makes him or her different from everyone. I know many people have red hair...but there was just something about his hair that made it his and only his. I began looking around as if I hadn't seen Ron yet. I didn't see a piece of trash anywhere; they always kept this place so clean.

"Well he's not here!" I lied, "I guess we should go."

"No wait! Isn't that him right there?" she asked pointing to Ron.

"Don't point!" Too late, he saw us and flashed me a smile. Oh goodness, I could feel myself melting. He walked over to us, his long legs carrying him quickly. He held out his hand to Jeni.

"Hey I'm Ron," he said although it was quite obvious she knew who he was.

"Oh hello, I'm Jeni."

"So what are you doing here Ron?" I needed to say something, and that's all that came to mind.

"I work here."

"What?"

"Yeah I work here...I am kind of the security person. Ever since Voldemort was defeated," I saw a flash of sadness cross over his eyes briefly. "They have hyped up the security some. So er... here I am, making sure some bloody idiot doesn't try to pull something." It seemed so weird that all of our aspirations to become an auror (Ron) or a healer (me) had faded away just as the lives of our friends and the war had faded.

"Wow I haven't been here since...since we came home from Hogwarts after our seventh year," I muttered more to myself than anyone. Ron looked really uncomfortable when I said this.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I uh...still remember what you said to me." Jeni seemed to have walked off noticing she wasn't really a part of our conversation. I was grateful.

Ron shifted his weight from one foot to the other uneasily "Oh?"

---

_I sat on the Hogwarts Express with my three best friends: Harry, Ron, and Ginny. None of us talked, we knew we were leaving Hogwarts forever. Ginny wasn't returning for her 7th year because the war was at its highest point. I laid my head on the back of my seat and felt the vibrations of the train engine go through me. The air felt stiff and thick. We were all going to The Order of the Phoenix head quarters for the whole summer, or however long it took for the war to end. _

_I felt Ron's arm snake around my waist although he wasn't looking at me. His eyes were closed and his face stiff with worry of what would come this summer. Across from us Ginny was sleeping, her head on Harry's shoulder. Harry just stared at Ginny for the whole ride as if she would disappear any second. We all knew the chances were high that we might not make it through the war. _

_The silence started to eat away at me, not even Neville's frog Trevor could be heard from the compartment next to ours._

_Finally I felt the train come to a stop and I was lurched forward slightly. We filed off the familiar train and found our trunks. It felt as if leaving that old train was like leaving a life I had always known and felt comfortable in. I stared at the train until it began to ride off, taking some of me with it. _

_"Hermione, come with me a second," it was Ron and as we made our way over to a nearby bench I felt his gaze on me. _

_"What is it Ron, is everything okay?"_

_"I...I er just wanted to say that no matter what happens this summer just remember that I care for you, ok?" his eyes shot to the ground, clearly embarrassed. It was the closest he ever came to truly telling me how he felt._

_"I know Ron, but nothing is going to happen."_

_"Just know that I'll always be here for you, no matter what, ok Mione?"_

_"Ron everything is going to be okay this summer, I just… I know we will all be okay."_

_"Please just promise me you understand," my skin prickled. Why was this so important to him? _

_"I promise," I touched my hand to his lightly, ignoring his surprised face._

_"We er... we better go find Harry and Ginny. Mum and Dad are picking us up." We made our way over to Harry and Ginny to find them snogging, which seemed to be one of their favorite pass times lately._

_"Gross...brother here...you can stop now," I smacked Ron's arm. Harry looked up with a cheeky grin on his face._

_"Alright let's head out troops," Ginny said with a bright smile, I always admired how she could wear such a smile and be so positive when we were in the midst of such horrible times._

_---_

"Do you remember what you said to me?" I asked quietly.

"Hey, I'm real sorry but my break is over. We'll talk again soon though okay? I don't want to lose touch with you a second time," he answered in return.

"You said you'd always be there for me."

"Hermione..."

"You know what Ron, I don't think I can deal with this. I hate the past and whenever I am around you, I'm reminded of it. And when I finally let my guard down to talk about it...you back away. You have always been afraid of change or getting too involved with your feelings. I don't even understand why you didn't leave your family and me earlier. Oh yeah, that's right, Harry was there still." I found myself rambling on and on saying so many things I have always wanted to say, but at one time wouldn't have dared to. "I'm so sick of inventing reasons why you might have left, inventing reasons that didn't involve anything that I had done wrong. I thought you were going to be there for me Ron? Huh? Did you forget that I was hurt when our friends died too? I have been trying to forget about them, forget about you and move on with my life. Just my luck that I come in contact with you as I am beginning to do so." He just stared at me, his face stock white.

"Harry and Ginny are not dead."

"Damnit Ron! How can you keep pretending they are alive?" I screamed at him.

"Its better than acting like they were never alive! It's better than trying to forget about them." he was yelling at me now, and many people were staring at us. God maybe Jeni was right, maybe I was the one running away from my fears. I felt my heart beating madly from the anger that had aroused in me.

I began to walk away but he grabbed my arm.

"Hermoine I don't think I could stand to lose your friendship twice." His eyes were pleading with mine and he looked desperate. Yet for the first time, my heart was indifferent toward his plead, my heart was cold and down-right tired of everything.

"You didn't seem to mind losing my friendship the first time, so this shouldn't be too hard on you."

How had my day turned upside down so quickly? I'd gone from wanting to see Ron so bad, to never wanting to see him again. What did he mean he didn't want to lose my friendship twice; he's the one who left! He's the one who decided _there was nothing to come back to. _It's his fault, not mine. I walked away quickly looking for Jeni. I had been acting like such an idiot! When had I started to act like such a drama queen? There was something truly wrong with me.

I saw a small girl with bushy brown hair who was carrying so many books she stumbled as she walked. She reminded me of myself, a lot. I had such a strong urge right then to run over to her and throw her books on the ground and tell her that no book could take the place of a friend. That I had tried that when I was younger, that it doesn't work.

I found Jeni sitting on a green wooden bench, that couldn't have been less than fifty years old. She was eating a danish and when she looked up at me she had a worried look plastered on her face.

"I'm guessing it didn't go too well?" she asked slowly, standing up and wrapping her arms around me in a hug.

"Yeah, you could say that," I responded hoarsely, it was hard keeping down your tears. It was like having a great book in front of you, but not being able to read it.

"Want the other half of my danish?" she asked me softly. I looked at it and shrugged me shoulders, not much of anything mattered any longer.

"Sure," I took the pastry from her and took a big bite. And as the sweet taste of strawberries and icing hit my taste buds I felt a tear fall from my eye.

**A/N**: wow...I'm two weeks late to post this chapter! I just had a lot of problems w/ it. Hopefully its up to standards now. Thanks to flashrules who helped me by reading over my chapter and giving me some constructive criticism. hehe. Ok well I'm going to be out of town next week...sooo I will hopefully update in 2 weeks, but you never know I might get inspiration as I'm out of town and post a chapter next weekend! Thanks again for all of your patience and I hope this chapter was ok.

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	7. Finally Catching On

**Chapter 7:** Finally Catching On

**disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter, the great JKR does:)

**A/N:** wow it's been a long time..I would seriously _suggest_ re-reading at least the previous chapter. geesh it took me 9 months to post a new chapter..shame on me. anyway. read on please...

I spent the rest of the weekend inside my small apartment, dreading the time in which I would have to go back into public and function at work. I awoke Monday morning to the sound of my alarm clock on my bedside table. I groaned into my soft pillow, I wished I could just sleep the rest of the day away. I had no drive what so ever to get ready for the day let alone actually go to work. My head felt like a giant weight. I didn't want to have to endure Jeni's sympathetic comments or Jerry's worried glances knowing that I look terrible. Yet somehow I got up, and one hour later I apparated in front of the "The Daily Prophet" and walked in the front door with all the confidence in the world that no one would know what was really going on inside me. I had a happy facade on, but truly all I could think about was Ron. I could hear him in my head telling me he didn't want to lose my friendship again, his voice was as clear as ever. I shook my head and for the hundredth time tried to clear his freckled face out of my mind.

"Granger, what's wrong, you are early," Jerry barked at me as the bell on the entrance of the prophet announced my arrival.

"Nothing is wrong sir, absolutely nothing." He did have a point though; I had never been early to anything since before the war. I was still upset about the stupid train station incident; it must be throwing me off. I had been upset before; I'd get over it eventually. Not to worry.

"Well what ever it is, keep it up, I like to see that you are on time for once."

I walked into my office closing the door behind me and collapsing into my chair, who knew it would be such hard work to hide your emotions. I kicked off my black clogs and propped my stocking feet up on my desk. I looked around my office soaking it all in, the bookshelves filled with hundreds of books I read when I had nothing to report about, the green plants placed randomly around the room desperately in need of water, and last but not least a small picture I had leaned against my typewriter on my desk. The picture was of Ginny and I in Grimmauld place, during the war. We both wore tired expressions but you could tell that we were genuinely happy. She had her arm around my shoulder and we both were sticking our tongues out at the camera and laughing. Her bright hair is almost entirely covered with my bushy brown hair that's blowing in the wind. I smiled remembering my old friend; whenever she had walked into a room she seemed to bring the sunshine in with her too. Ginny had always been so bright and confident after she shed her shy ways. Every time I tried to imagine her suffering under Voldemort I couldn't, my mind would flash to times when we would be joking around with Harry and Ron, just having a good time. Now I couldn't even try to imagine her suffering, I didn't want to, it would ruin the few images I had left of her being so happy...so alive.

Jeni burst into my office crashing my door against the wall behind it. So very clumsy.

"Oy Hermione! How are you? I haven't heard from you since...well since after you apparated home from the train station Saturday morning. I've been worried." Here goes, I put a fake cheery expression on my face.

"Oh I'm just fine Jeni, don't worry about me!" I smiled at her.

"Your not fine," Jeni was so stubborn.

"I am perfectly fine," I smiled again.

"But I do know how to cheer you up," I opened my mouth to say I didn't need cheering up but she dismissed me by waving her arms, "You know that guy I met on Friday?" not waiting for an answer she went on,"Well it just so happens that he has a friend who needs a date for tonight. And since I'm going out with Davey tonight I told him you could come and we could just make it a double date. I think you'll like him, David says he's really nice."

I was shaking my head before she had even finished speaking.

"No, no, and no. I don't want to go out on a date tonight, let alone a blind date."

"Oh its not officially blind, David has seen him and, er... I've seen David."

"My answer is no, I have some work to do Jeni," I said through clenched teeth, so much for my facade.

"You are coming with me, I don't want you thinking about this bloody bloke Ron any longer," she said confidently with a smug smile on her face. She had a tendency to get quite annoying at times.

"Jeni my answer is no. If you would like me to get out my dictionary and look up the definition of no and show it to you, I would be just delighted." I flashed her back the same smug smile that had been on her face seconds before.

"Too bad I wasn't asking. I already told him you were coming. His name is Zach and I'm picking you up at six o'clock tonight. Oh and wear something nice," she said looking pointedly at my old khaki skirt, faded red blouse, and my old Hogwarts black robe. "I can't believe you still have your school robes." I closed my eyes attempting to hold my temper.

"Jeni, I suggest that you get out of my office-before-I-hex-you," I said it slowly, my eyes still closed in a desperate attempt to not explode at her. She seemed to take my advice to heart and exited my office quickly.

--

We apparated in front of "Acabus" , a small elegant restaurant, to wait for David and Zach. The building was brick and had a large green sign on it spelling Acabus in italic writing, and although muggles didn't seem to notice, the name was underlined in naught but a simple line but a drawing of a wand. Come to think of it, if there were any muggles around they didn't even seem to notice the restaurant existed. It must have a muggle repellant charm on it.

"I can't believe you Jeni, seriously. You know I'm not ready to date." I snarled at her.

"You haven't dated in years, how would you know?" she replied, running her fingers through her soft blonde hair. I have no idea how her curly hair always lays tidily on her head, mine fluffs up and becomes frizzy in humid weather. I was just about to reply when I saw two tall figures strolling towards us. David and Zach.

Jeni nudged me lightly as they walked up.

"Hi David!" Jeni said enthusiastically before enveloping him in a hug. I looked to the left of David expecting there to be some desperate cousin of David's who couldn't get a date. However, I was completely wrong in thinking that. Zach was tall, had dark blonde hair and green eyes. He had a big and somewhat crooked nose, not that I minded; I'm not a shallow person and his eyes more than made up for his nose. I closed my mouth quickly, realizing I had been gaping at him. Having released David, Jeni elbowed me hard in the ribs.

"Ouch...Oh Hi! My name is Hermione." I shook both of the men's hands firmly. Zach had soft, cold hands. Not warm and clammy like Ron's.

"Hey I'm David and this is my friend Zach. Well more like my boss, I run one of Zach's bookstores in town." I felt myself smile widely. Zach owned a bookstore, wait...he owned bookstores, as in plural?

"I'm Zach Slinkhard."

"Oh wow. You mean to say that, Wilbert Slinkhard the author of _Defense Magical Theory_ is related to you?" he nodded, blushing slightly. "That means you own _The Slink Sphinx _bookstores that are all over London! I absolutely adore your stores, we must talk books sometime." he grinned at my suggestion and looped his arm through mine as we headed into the restaurant.

--

It seemed every time I looked up from my dinner plate I would wish that when I raised my head Ron would be sitting there instead of Zach. I stared down at my glass dinner plate, and stabbed at my lamb chops contemplating my situations. Let Ron ruin my night even though Zach is a really cool guy, or just have fun? The answer, to me, seemed simple. Yet when is anything ever simple?

"Who is that staring at us?" Zach asked looking perplexed.

"Oh its- its no one I know," Jeni responded, I caught the waver in her voice and pulled my gaze off my plate immediately looking up at the window. My mouth fell. A mere fifteen feet away stood Ron looking at me through the rather large restaurant window. My date glanced at me then out the window.

"Er… Hermione is everything okay?" Zach asked me hesitantly. I slammed my fork down on the table and stood up. Zach looked both amused and surprised.

"Everything will be just _brilliant_ in a moment." I said through clenched teeth and then I stomped over to the exit of the restaurant. When I came outside Ron turned around abruptly and began walking away, whistling to himself innocently.

"Ron just who the bloody hell do you think you are standing there staring at me while I eat dinner?" His head whipped around toward me.

"Um excuse me I don't know what you are talking about I was just walking by." he looked away, turning back to me he added: "and I thought you didn't curse," Whilst offering me one of his cheesy smiles. I ignored his second comment.

"Oh Merlin Ron do you think I'm an idiot?"

"Apparently," he winked at me and began walking away, I felt my stomach flip.

"Ronald! You aren't going anywhere," I said clenching my fists and standing my ground, any second I was likely to stamp my foot. "I thought I made it clear to you I wasn't interested in ever seeing you again and I look up at dinner and see you staring at me."

"Oh but Hermione dear its a free country, and it seemed okay with you that Mr. hot shot, the guy you were sitting by, was staring at you." he finished almost bitterly. My face softened for a minute but then I realized I had more likely than imagined his tone as he quickly replaced his glare with another one of his lopsided smiles. I threw my hands up in surrender.

"Alright Ron, what ever. I've had just about enough. Good Bye," I finished curtly before turning to stomp away. Ron caught up with me quickly and grabbed my arm, a gesture I had been getting from him a lot lately. His careless expression changed to a serious one with in seconds.

"The truth is I was just walking by and I er... noticed you in there and I wanted to, oh never mind its not like I'm stalking you or something if that's what you are implying," he looked flustered. Oddly enough his answer disappointed me more than anything.

"Oh, well I really must get back to my date."

"I wish you wouldn't," I heard him mumble under his breath. Had I heard him right or was it wishful thinking on my part?

"What?"

"Oh nothing 'Mione, I guess that's it then, you don't want to talk to me again?"

"That's precisely it, thank Merlin you are finally catching on!" I said flashing him a mock smile as he had done to me, before turning my back on him and walking back into Acabus and back to my date. Who knew that such a simple task of walking could be so hard.

**A/N:** wow are any of you still interested in this story! haha wow it's been..9 months! Oh my goodness...I'm so sorry. I hope this chapter was satisfactory. I think it turned out well. I will hopefully have the next chapter out in a few weeks and then after that the chapters will come out once a week again. geesh...that was a long break from writing. I mean I posted a one-shot in October..but that's it..in the course of 9 months..wow..anyhow thanks for sticking with me!


	8. Of Kissing and Freckleless Redheads

**Chapter 8:** Of Kissing and Freckle-less Redheads

**Disclaimer:** I don't own HP! JKR does.

After my row with Ron and after stepping back into Acabus thus sealing my Ron free fate, Zach and I became inseparable for the next five weeks. Since spring had begun Zach and I would go on long walks and talk of books. It's hard to find faults in a relationship when the boy you're dating owns a chain of bookstores, especially if he's funny and charming. I could tell that he would become irritated whenever I would constantly talk about news or of history. He could tell that I would become peeved when he wouldn't want to further conversations about how great it was that almost fifty percent of house elves had finally taken a stand and were receiving wages; that it annoyed me how he would leave his shoes lying around all over my house. We got past each other's faults though.

I loved walking to Zach's main bookstore (the first founded 'Slink Sphinx') and sitting in the cafe area munching on my banana muffin on Sunday mornings while I read. I read the numerous books I had missed so dearly when I hadn't had time to read during the war. There is something fascinating about magical bookstores that even being around magic since the age of eleven I had to appreciate. I loved watching the numerous books soaring across the room (sometimes bumping into each other) to and from their respectable shelves, and seeing a person flying across the room when a stray charm had hit them instead of the intended book always extracts a laugh from me. In my spare time I even found time to read 'Hogwarts a History' again. I remembered how Ron used to make fun of me for reading that useful book so many times, maybe not really meaning it, but just wanting to start a meaningless fight. I smiled and not even realizing it, I pictured Ron's smiling face in my head and my smile became wider still. Ron, Harry and I had a lot of fun at Hogwarts. It wasn't all fun, but when we weren't in trouble or bickering it really was a great friendship the three of us had had. When I was sitting there in Zach's bookshop 'The Slink Sphinx' thinking about my old friends, that was the first time I had ever been able to think about Hogwarts and just smile. Genuinely smile without a second thought.

"Hermione," I turned to see Zach smiling at me, he had such a bright and cheerful smile. He never called me by my nickname: Mione. Which at one time (maybe even weeks ago) I would have been grateful for, but instead I found myself yearning for him to call me by my nickname.

"Hello," I said smiling back at him and closing the book I was reading. "Ready to go?" I asked. Sometimes, like today, I would come to the bookshop after work and wait for him to get off work. He was the owner of 'The Slink Sphinx' so technically he didn't have to go into work everyday, but I admired his effort to make sure his bookstores were ran the best they could possibly be ran. I stood up and slid my arm through his; laughing at the bubbly feeling I felt in my stomach whenever I touched him. He looked at me sideways with the look he always gave me when I laughed about nothing or talked about house elves too much: his raised eyebrow, half smirk look.

Right when we walked out of the front doors of the immense glass building he turned to me and kissed me on the cheek. What a professional, not even wanting to kiss his girlfriend in front of his employees.

"You're so beautiful with your hair down and so wild like that," he said as we walked down the sidewalk away from his store. I felt so uncomfortable when he said those kinds of things; I guess I shouldn't have because we had been dating for over a month.

"Oh you mean all frizzy and bushy," I giggled, so unlike myself.

He stopped walking and pulled me back towards him. He kissed me hard on my lips and tried to deepen the kiss. I pulled back quickly. A few kisses here and there each day when we saw each other, that's all we'd done. We'd never kissed like this, and although it felt good I pulled away. The thought that it felt good to kiss someone else scared me; it scared me that I enjoyed kissing someone other than...

"Merlin Hermione, what's your problem?" Zach asked me. I could tell that he became offended or maybe even hurt every time I would pull my hand out of his like my hand would burn if it lingered in his too long, or every time I would pull away from a kiss or hug before those tokens of affection could lead to anything more deep and meaningful.

"Nothing Zach, I just need to take this slow," I knew when I said this that it was a boldfaced lie.

"It's been five weeks damn it," he said in the same quiet voice that always made me feel like such a horrible person. "Oh never mind, let's go to dinner. I made reservations for the nicest table in Acabus, sort of like a five week anniversary." he tried to smile at me to let me know he wasn't mad, but all he could manage to do was make his lips twitch a bit.

"Ok," I said as I followed him into an alley, just in case there were muggles around, so we could apparate to the restaurant.

When we arrived at Acabus and were seated at the same table we had had our first dinner at. After both of us thanking the hostess there was nearly fifteen minutes of silence between us before my attempt to revive conversation.

"Sorry about that whole thing in the street today...I er have a cold and don't want you to catch it," I said lamely.

"Oh ok," he didn't even look up from his menu.

When the waitress, a short lady with stringy blonde hair that turned blue when she became irritated (or so I gathered from the deep blue color her hair had become when a customer spilled pumpkin juice on her a few minutes earlier), came to take our orders she turned to me expectantly.

When I began to speak Zach cut me off chastely "She'll have some vegetable soup, she has a cold," the waitress looked at me sympathetically. "I'll have pork chops and whatever comes with them please, and a butterbeer."

Zach shot me a look and I smiled at him as if I really had wanted soup, though we both knew I detested vegetable soup. Normally I would have called the waitress back to our table and ordered my own meal, a meal I actually wanted. Yet seen as how I'd treated Zach earlier I thought the least I could do was to suffer through one of my least favorite meals.

It wasn't until we'd both finished our meals, me actually beginning to feel sick, when Zach broke the awkward and lingering silence.

"We need to talk Hermione," he had a look on his face that was pleading me to stop him from what he was about to do. I did want to stop him. I couldn't lose another person from my life.

"Zach, no I really am sick..." I was going to continue but just then I saw someone familiar walk into Acabus. I froze and stared at the man who had just entered, he had red hair. My head was spinning, could it be... I had to look away. I looked back at Zach to see him stony-faced looking back and forth between the redhead and I with a look of comprehension on his face. So he remembered Ron from our first date, I thought.

"Hermione I can't do this anymore, I know when a girl has feelings for someone else," I wasn't even really listening, just looking at that redhead, if only I could see his face. I knew it would all be ok if I could see his face. "HERMIONE you aren't the right person for me," he yelled it, and I'm sure that he hadn't meant it; he had just been trying to get my attention. Which he most certainly did. I turned back to Zach and already felt my eyes prickling.

"What?" I asked incredulously.

"I said you aren't the right girl for me, I'm sorry but I don't think this will work out between us." I could see in his eyes again that he was really pleading for me to disagree with him, to show him that we were right for each other. But what he said about me not being the right girl stung me hard. I found myself standing up and walking backwards away from the sitting form of Zach. The man who I had just wasted five weeks on only to be called unworthy of his affections. I don't even know if I could disagree with him, maybe I wasn't the right person for him. Maybe I wasn't the right person for anyone. I'm sure he saw the tears spilling from my eyes, which is just what I hadn't wanted him to see. I turned and walked quickly toward the exit of Acabus and past the redhead I thought had been Ron, who was really just some other guy who had red hair and didn't even have the Weasley freckles. Ron never seemed to be there when I needed him most.

Once I was near the door I ran outside into the fresh spring air. It had started raining earlier and the cool water felt refreshing on my skin. Maybe the rain could wash away all my troubles. The image of Ron and I dancing in the rain back in our seventh year flashed into my head and I quickened my pace as I walked down the street.

I had just experienced another huge let down in my life and there was no one to go to. Jeni was out with that slob David who introduced me to Zach. I needed someone to talk to. I'd learned the hard way that it's hard to keep emotions intact and to myself, I knew I had to talk to someone. That's why I apparated to that apartment. That's why when I stood in front of his door, sopping wet with rain, I knocked on his door. That's why Ron opened up his apartment door and looked just as shocked as I felt about my stupid spur of the moment decision. The stupid decision that it was Ron I needed to talk to.

**A/N:** Poor Hermione, she doesn't even realize how much she hurt Zach. Anyhow, I hope you liked this chapter. Any feedback would be great. And I actually updated this chapter in a reasonable amount of time. Congrats to me. Haha. Chapter 9 will be uploaded in a week or two. For sure! Oh and I haven't written in any memories in the past 2 chapters so I'll probably put one in the next chapter! Thanks again for reading.


	9. Touching

**Chapter 9:** Touching

**Disclaimer:** I do not own HP. JKR does.

**A/N:** Pretty quick update if I do say so myself :) short reminder: italics are memories. oh yes, as you may have noticed this story has a new summary! Also you may see some progress in feelings this chapter, I hope the changes in some emotions are clear enough.

"Hermione?" he looked absolutely shocked to see me and I couldn't blame him one bit.

"I...I needed someone to talk to," I stated lamely. I looked around his apartment, it was nothing special but it looked comfortable. It was a petite apartment and made up of a kitchen and living room to which lead off to what appeared to be two other small rooms.

"Ok," he said slowly "Are you all right?"

"No," I felt my eyes begin to water again, "Zach is a bastard." I followed Ron into his living room where he had numerous posters of the Chudley Cannons on the walls (though they had yet to have a winning season), a lone couch, an old table, and his broom stood against one of the gray walls. I noticed a few _Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes_ products lying on the battered table including a few canary creams. The twins had kept the shop up and running during the war to keep everyone's morale up and for one other purpose. They also kept the shop open to keep making shield cloaks and gloves and other sort of protection devices for during the war (they had started developing these products during our sixth year according to Harry).

"Is Zach that bloke you were with five weeks back when I saw you at the restaurant?" it took me by surprise that Ron knew exactly how long ago he'd seen me last.

"Yes, he's a right git. He lead me on to think that we were really going somewhere then BAM...I'm not the right one for him! That's what he said. I mean what the hell is that even supposed to mean?"

"He said that to you? I am going to kick his arse." I could see a look of protectiveness flash over his face, he was still the same Ron I'd always known and cared for.

"Yes, he made me feel like I meant so much to him. I know it was only a little more than a month that we dated, but it was the first time in years I had really let myself get attached to someone. I guess I deserve this; I can't believe I actually put my trust in him. I'm so ridiculous," I was really crying now, sobbing for that matter. At any other moment of my life I'm sure I would have been embarrassed to be putting on such a display, but at that point I didn't care if I had bags as big as hockey pucks under my eyes from crying. I really hated how I was acting though. I was appalled by the fact that I was so upset about a boy, it was not one bit like me.

"Hermione, please just calm down," he didn't understand emotions well; he had no idea what to do to comfort me. I walked towards him and wrapped my arms around his neck and placed my head on his wrinkled shirt.

"I am so alone Ron...and each person I care about seems to leave me," I sobbed into his chest "Oh my god...I'm so alone." It wasn't about Zach. I had been alone since the day Ron had left five years ago. It had all started with Ginny and Harry dieing, then Ron left. I had been alone for five years; Zach was just the last straw. Ron patted my back clumsily and surprised me by then holding me to his chest even tighter and placing a light kiss on my temple.

"Shh, I know Mione, oh boy do I ever." I lifted my head from his shirt and studied his face. Tears clung to my eyelashes so his image was blurred, but I could see the fury and sadness etched into his face. I looked into his blue eyes; they were by far the prettiest eyes I had ever seen. Although I would never tell Ron that because his ears would probably turn pink and he'd tell me I'm mental. Through my tears I heard myself laugh gently. Ron looked down into my eyes, and I felt my own eyes being drawn toward his like magnets. It took much effort to tear my gaze away from his.

Finally coming to my senses a bit I realized I must look ridiculous and closed my eyes for a moment willing the tears to cease. I looked at his shirt and noticed how wet it was from me crying on him.

"Sorry," I muttered quietly nodding at the wet spot on his shirt but he kept looking into my eyes intensely. "You know about your shirt," I said. When he didn't respond I felt myself shrinking with stupidity, I shouldn't have just shown up at his house and cried all over him for Merlin's sake. "Well I should just go I'll -" I stopped speaking abruptly upon realizing that I still had my arms around his neck. I released my hold from him quickly but just as swiftly Ron took hold of my wrists and readjusted my arms back around his neck. Before I could react or think of something to say I felt Ron's lips crash onto mine.

My whole body tingled as I responded to his kiss; I had forgotten how much I loved to kiss him. I'd only kissed him a few times before this but I still felt like I had been missing something. My face flushed and feelings of calm spread through me like wildfire. His lips moved urgently over my mouth and for unknown reasons it calmed me to be kissing him, to be touching him. The kiss was almost rough with need but all the same it was tender and full of emotion. It was just the type of kiss that I had denied Zach earlier that day and it was the type of kiss that would be wrong to experience with anyone other than Ron.

He placed his hand on the small of my back as he deepened the kiss, trying to bring me closer to him although our bodies were already as close as possible. I felt a shiver run down my spine as his hand began to move even lower down my back. His boldness awakened me somehow and I pulled my mouth away from his hastily and stepped back, my eyes still partially closed and my breathing uneven. It was so hard to step away from him in that moment. My head was spinning. I wasn't supposed to care about Ron anymore. I couldn't let myself become close to him again, I'd promised myself countless times that I wouldn't. Yet things felt so impeccable with his arms around me and his lips on mine. Not only were the thoughts inside of my head jumbled but my vision was blurry too and I found that when I tried to stand up straight I almost lost my balance. Ron's ears turned pink with embarrassment of having kissed me so suddenly.

"I can't do this." I muttered to him, avoiding his gaze. His pink blush turned red with anger. I bit my already swollen bottom lip as if to ready myself to how he would respond.

"What do you mean 'you can't do this'?" he yelled angrily. "Damn it Hermione. You are the one who showed up here tonight crying all over me about some bloody bloke Zach and I tried to comfort you."

"You think that kissing me while I'm telling you about splitting with someone I've spent my last five weeks with is comforting me?"

"You knew what was going to happen if you came here," he glared at me. I glared back at him just as fiercely, no longer bothering to avoid looking into his face.

"Er...yes because that truly sounds like me. I think I will go over to Ron's house and cry on his shoulder about a guy who just hurt me. Then who knows...I might even snog him!" I crossed my arms over my chest as Ron stood there with his mouth agape trying to come up with some smart remark but obviously lost for words. "I can't do this Ronald, I can't keep thinking about you. I can't keep banking on you being there for me. Because if you haven't noticed you aren't the most reliable person."

"You're just bloody scared," he replied chastely.

"Scared of what, you leaving me like you did five years ago? Of course I am, who wouldn't be?" I walked out of his living room toward the front door and grabbed the brass handle, ready to make my escape again. To leave like I always do. I was almost out of his apartment when he threw his body in between the door and me, wrenching my hand off the handle in the process. I lost track of all my thoughts and worries for a moment being that close to him again and wishing that I were even closer. His face softened and he took one step toward me and opened his mouth slightly but I felt myself pull away from him automatically and shook my head.

"Merlin Ron that hurt." My hand was still tingling from the way it was yanked off the door handle.

"You're more screwed up than me! I don't even think you know how much Harry and Ginny's deaths affected you...you are just as closed off as me! You can't and wont get close to someone any longer for fear that they will die too...I'm not stupid Hermione. You probably pushed Zach away from you reflexively. You're just as messed up as me."

"NO- I'M- NOT. Don't ever say that. I'm not the one who left!"

"Maybe not, but _you_ are the one leaving now. Aren't you?"

"Oh what do you care? You hadn't seen me in years and it didn't phase you in the slightest. Now get out of my way before I hex you." I dug my hand in my pocket and grasped my wand tightly.

"That's where you're mistaken. Merlin I was going mental in that house! I had to leave, shit… I'm still going mad. I want to believe that my sister and best mate are still alive so badly that sometimes I think they really are. Only to find out that I'm wrong and to feel alone as ever."

_---_

_Harry died yesterday, and Mrs. Weasley had just informed Ron and I that his funeral would take place on Tuesday, eight days from now. Ron and I are sitting on his bed facing each other with the curtains drawn, the only source of light or happiness coming from his orange walls. His hair is mused and he's still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, he hasn't eaten or slept and has barely spoken since Mrs.Weasley brought us the most grievous news a person can get the previous afternoon. The Daily Prophet had a huge article on Harry's death in this morning's edition, and I had the misfortune of seeing it since I took it upon myself to hide it from Ron. I have my arms around him in a tight embrace and his head is on my shoulder. We've been sitting here like this for hours._

_"Hermione, I think I'm going mad," he croaks softly._

_"Shh, don't say things like that!" I hush him._

_"Why can't I have gone all the way crazy? I wouldn't mind being in Mungo's, just as long as I didn't have to think about everything that's happened," he continues._

_"You are not crazy Ron," I say firmly, trying to convince myself more than him. "You don't need to go to St. Mungo's."_

_"I might as well be mad...the things I think about," he has a scared look in his eyes and although a tear courses down my cheek I wipe it away hastily, not wanting him to see. I lay him back on the bed and lower myself down to lay next to him, wrapping my arm around his chest and putting one of my legs over his. He closes his eyes while I run my fingers through his thick red hair gently and whisper a lullaby my mum had once sung to me (when I was still innocent and didn't know of death) in his ear. I don't stop until I hear his breathing slow and he drifts off to sleep. I lay my head on his chest knowing there is no way I'll be able to sleep, not even for a minute._

_---_

"You didn't have to face it all alone you know, I was always there." and instead of trying to fight my way past him and out of his apartment, I apparated home, knowing that I was never going to see him again.

**A/N:** Let me know what you thought of the fight and kiss in this chapter por favor! This is quite an angsty story I know! haha, but it's also a romance..so draw from that statement what you want! Only 2 more chapters left by the way.


	10. Bookworm

**Chapter 10**: Bookworm

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter. JKR does. The only thing I own is the plot of this story.

**A/N:** Sorry about the title change (from 'So Alone' to 'Pulling Him Closer'), but I wasn't happy with the first title and have been trying to think of what to change it to for ages.I'm really happy with how this chapter turned out, I hope you like it.

Once I had apparated back home I began to feel foolish and childish. Ron had taken a risk and kissed me and I responded in a way that he had most likely feared I would. It was Friday (a week after going to Ron's apartment) and I was sitting at my desk at work thinking of how I should have given Ron a chance, how leaving so quickly like that after he'd kissed me hadn't been the right decision however right it felt when I was doing it. Not only did I owe it to myself to give Ron another chance but I also owed it to Harry and Ginny. They had both lost their lives in trying to free the wizarding world of Lord Voldemort and here I was after the war hating Ron and not possessing the ability to give him a second chance.

I felt myself becoming more and more ashamed with each consecutive thought that ran through my head. Maybe Ron was different now; maybe I was the one who needed to change. I made a decision that I would stop by Ron's after work, it seemed inevitable that we would have to talk to each other again and I wanted to be the one to make the effort to do so. I owed it to Harry and Ginny, I needed to give Ron another chance and I needed to make him see that our kiss hadn't been one sided. It all seemed so important at that moment that I almost left work early. I didn't though; I waited it out until six o'clock when my boss Jerry walked into my office and told me I could go home.

I apparated straight to Ron's so as to not allow myself time to talk myself out of doing just that. I was nervous and felt a little ridiculous and embarrassed going to his apartment again. I held up my shaking hand to knock on his apartment door and then lowered it resolutely. I raised my heavy hand once more and knocked quietly praying Ron wouldn't hear, but a few moments later the door opened up to reveal a tall redhead. Ron had a very hard look on his face and was showing no emotion. This only made me more nervous, at least when he was scowling at me I knew he was angry and where my boundaries were.

"Can I come in?" I asked slowly.

"I guess," he responded while frowning at me. I stepped inside and took off my coat, folded it neatly (receiving an annoyed look from Ron) and placed it down on a table near the door I had just entered through.

"We need to talk," I said to him briskly, wanting to get to my point before I changed my mind about what I was going to say. In all reality I wanted to get to my point before I chickened out. I heard a thump from one of the rooms leading off from the living room that Ron and I had just walked into. He threw a nervous glance at the door the sound had emitted from behind.

"Alright," he drawled out while gazing at me with a worried look on his face. He motioned for me to join him on the old couch he just sat down on. I sat down, positioned my hands on my lap and began tapping my fingers nervously on my knees.

"Ron. You're the reason that Zach and I broke up." I must have been awfully nervous; because those were definitely not the words I had planned out or ever thought of saying.

"Excuse me?" he demanded, standing up off the couch and peering down at me with narrowed eyes.

"He kept wanting to get closer to me and for me to illustrate to him that I cared about him as much as he did me. Just when I was about to do so I saw someone who er… well looked like you. Then I kept thinking that maybe if it were you I could talk to you and that would make everything better. I just kept staring at that man who looked like you. Naturally Zach put two and two together and realized that _you_ are the reason that I couldn't get close to him." It seemed a lot saner and simple when I was thinking about it, but when I was saying it aloud it sounded like complete rubbish.

"HOW is that my fault?"

"You always pop up in my head. Whenever I think of what it is I want to do in my free time on a Saturday morning an image of you and I walking through Hogsmeade appears in my head. Whenever I need someone to talk to it feels like I should be sitting in front of you discussing house elves instead of my friend Jeni and I see your face in my head. So when I saw someone with red hair I was thinking that maybe everything could work out between you and I and we could be more than friends again."

"Why is that such a horrible thought?" he interrupted.

"What?" I asked, totally thrown off. It was as though I had completely forgotten that the whole point of coming here was to tell Ron that it was good Zach and I were no longer together. That is was brilliant and perfect because I still had feelings for him after all these years.

"Why is that such a horrible thought, the thought that maybe you and I could be more than friends?" he kept glancing nervously at that same door leading off from the room we were sitting in.

"Ron I was on a date with someone I cared about and just the thought of you made me completely ignore him."

"Really, you ignored the poor bloke?" he asked, but he didn't look as though he felt bad, he looked as if he was rather enjoying this conversation now. To be quite plain, that's when my famous temper took another toll in my fate of ending up alone. I stood up and was eye to eye with him again.

"Do you think this is funny, because I certainly don't. This is a serious conversation that I am trying to have right now," I spat nastily. His temper began to pick up too.

"Okay then all jokes aside," he shouted mockingly. "Do you really expect me to stand here like a git and take in all your shit about how I ruined you and your boyfriend's relationship? Is that why you came here?" I could have said no, but I didn't. I just allowed him to continue thinking that that's why I had come. "Because if so I don't even know why you bothered. You made it very clear to me a week ago that you disliked me and that we couldn't do 'this'. I don't know what the bloody hell you meant by it, but _it_ was followed by _you_ apparating from my house and _you_ not bothering to contact me for a week. So really this whole guilt trip that you are trying to get me on by coming over here, it's not necessary and it's not going to work." his face was red and his hair on end from pulling on it as he raged on. "I'm over it Hermione. Really I am, I've had a whole week to think about why we shouldn't be together anyhow. Trust me I've thought up loads of reasons." I felt like I had been hit in the stomach as he continued to rant. "First off I don't think I would be able to stand your constant nagging. That's all you do Hermione is nag at people and tell them what to do." he was breathing heavily now.

"Are you quite done?" I asked him pursing my lips.

"Yes," he growled.

"Well in that case I guess I'll just let you know that I came here today to ask you out on a date. But I don't suppose you'd want to sit through lunch or dinner with someone who would just nag you the whole time."

Right when I had said that the look of rage on Ron's face was swept away and replaced with a entirely different look, he nearly looked like an entirely new person. He broke out in a grin and stepped closer to me, _much _closer. He lifted his hand to my face and traced a line down the side of my face and to my lips. I heard a click and saw the door that Ron kept looking at open up; he jumped back from me and turned toward the door in alarm. It looked as though the door that opened had been the one to Ron's bedroom and out walked a short, thin woman with dark brown hair and dull green eyes. I saw the look on Ron's face and came to the conclusion that what I was seeing was not just my imagination. There was indeed another woman in Ron's apartment. She was wearing a short skirt I would never dare to wear and a bright blue jumper. She walked over to Ron and put a protective arm around his stomach.

"Ron I heard yelling, is everything alright?" she asked. Ron gulped and looked between the girl and I, his face was very white but he was trying to act as though this wasn't a weird or terrible situation.

"Everything... is fine, Mora." he said to her before removing her arm from around himself and directing his attention back to me.

He opened his mouth to speak but I held up my hand and closed my eyes to calm myself.

"Clearly, you _are_ over it," I muttered and I opened my eyes to see that the pretty woman was looking confused and Ron looked like he was on the verge of tears. I cast my eyes to the carpet and apparated back to my apartment with a pop. I simply left my worries and heartache behind as I always did, and ran away. I chose the easy way out, because I could.

Going to Ron's had been such a waste of time. I shouldn't have gone. I tried Ginny and Harry, I thought to myself. I tried and there's nothing else I can do. Ron doesn't want to be with me, that's all there is to it.

------

It wasn't until the next day that I realized I had left my jacket folded up nicely in Ron's residence. Jen and I were in Diagon Alley picking up some supplies for work when she informed me that I had three choices.

"Hermione Jane Granger how could you forget your coat at his house? There are only a few things you can do. You can forget about your favorite and in my opinion only fashionable article of clothing you own and leave it there," I threw her an annoyed look so she continued rattling off my options "you can apparate into his apartment and grab it and apparate out without him knowing. Or you can swallow your overly developed pride and go politely to Ron's apartment, knock on the door and ask for your jacket. Personally I think you should go with option three, I mean seriously Mione I think the guys in love with you if-" I put my hand over her mouth to silence her, ever since I told her of what happened between Ron and I (from kissing to fighting and seeing his new girl Mora) she had been trying to convince me that I was wrong in thinking Ron didn't want to be with me.

"However much this pains me, I'm going to have to opt for choice three. But there is no way in hell that I will be doing or talking about anything other than my jacket whilst I am there." Jen looked disappointed. "I'll go tonight and then with any luck I'll be done with him, forever." I informed her.

"Well alright. I just can't see how a guy so obviously in love with you could find some other girl in a week. I mean she's clearly just someone to help Ron forget you, but really there's no way he's going to forget you. Especially not with that hair of yours," she began smoothing her hands over my hair to try and calm it, "It's so out of control." She smiled at me and giggled to let me know she was only joking.

"Really Jen, stop it with the love talk, I don't even want to think about it."

"Sorry darling," and she really did look sorry. "You'll get him back," she whispered thinking I couldn't hear or maybe knowing that I could and that it was the one thing I most needed to hear in the world at that moment.

After departing with Jen (she had agreed to drop off all the supplies at work that we had purchased) I apparated to Ron's apartment. I knocked on his door for a full five minutes before I became frustrated and began banging on his door impatiently.

An elderly lady walked by wearing a red dress with blue polka dots on it and a crooked witches hat was seated on her small head. She was very short, even shorter than me and had very distinguishable white frizzy hair poking out from under her tall black hat.

"I know you're in there Ronald. Open up," I yelled. The old lady stopped walking suddenly and turned around to me with a look of annoyance plastered on her wrinkly face.

"Oh you know my Ronny," she stated.

"What?" I asked slowly.

"Ron. You know Ron; he comes by and lets me teach him some of my cooking tips sometimes. I'm Geraldine by the way, Geraldine Hopkins," she held out a small hand to me and I shook it reluctantly. She seemed like a crazy old bat to me.

"Okay...well do you know where he is?"

"Oh deary you've just missed him, he packed up and left just this morning. I'm not quite sure when he'll be getting back," a look of realization came over her face and she began mumbling to herself. "Oh dear, I am quite sure I am losing my memory, he must have told me when he'd be getting back. But I do know for sure that he will not be here tomorrow to make cabbage stew with me." She looked impressed with herself for remembering such information. I was becoming more impatient with each passing second.

"Okay," I replied uncertainly and she looked startled, like she had forgotten she was talking to someone.

"Oh, your still here," she said in an annoyed voice.

"Yes, of course I am." I looked at her disbelievingly and then asked the question that I most feared the answer of. "Did he say anything else, like why he left or where he went?"

"He said he just needed to get away for a bit." She caught the look of shock on my face and added, "Not to worry though deary he'll be back soon. He has to be back soon, we are cooking treacle tart next week," she smiled encouragingly. When I didn't respond she began to shuffle away mumbling to herself once more "Silly girl, thinks she can take my place, well I'll show her. Ron will like my treacle tart more than anything that bushy haired girl could ever cook."

I shook my head not even caring what the old lady was saying. Only one thing she had told me had been of any consequence. She had said that Ron had to get away. Hearing those words come from that old lady's mouth was like a punch in the stomach. I couldn't breath properly. Get away...he had said that before.

------

_It was the day before Harry's funeral when I walked into Ron's room and saw him packing up his belongings hastily. He seemed to want to fill his trunk as quickly as possible. I stood at the door timidly before walking in. The old floorboards creaked as I stepped over them and he looked up at me before turning back to his trunk as if I wasn't there._

_I cleared my throat, "Um Ron, what's going on?" He shifted uneasily and stopped rolling up his Chudley Cannons poster for a few seconds._

_"I'm...I'm er leaving Hermione."_

_"WHAT?" I burst out loudly, unable to contain myself._

_"I-I just need to get away for a little bit," my heartbeat slowed down slightly; at least he wasn't leaving for good. I beamed suddenly, coming up with a great idea..._

_"I'll come with you!" he kept his head down and resumed throwing clothes in his trunk with the rest of his belongings._

_"No," he mumbled._

_"No?" I asked quietly, my smile slowly vanishing. He slammed his tattered trunk closed loudly._

_"NO, I don't want anyone coming with me. I said I just need to get away for a little while, alright?" he attempted smiling at me, failing miserably. I understood his need to get away from all the things that reminded him of Ginny and Harry. I had felt that way everyday since Ginny's death, but I would have never left Ron._

_"Oh...well alright Ron, your family and I will be here when you get back. When are you leaving?"_

_"In an hour or so," he stated calmly._

_"You are not leaving before Harry's funeral," I stomped my foot on the ground like a child who had just been denied desert. I felt my heart rate quicken and my voice shake a little._

_"Oh and I suppose a great bookworm like yourself is going to stop me?" he wasn't acting like himself; sure he had called me names before. That was just to get me riled up though, he really meant it this time. I felt my eyes sting and my lip begin to tremble. Before Ron could notice I walked out of the room slamming his door with all my might. Sometimes it felt as though the world was against me, I was always staying so strong and positive and had no one to lean on. I had been a pillar of support for Ron after Ginny and Harry's deaths when I needed just as much support from him. I survived off the fact that I knew or thought that someday, any day soon; Ron would become my pillar and soothe my fears and nightmares. But instead he was running away and leaving me to fend for myself in a world that offered me nothing._

_Almost an hour later everyone met downstairs to say good-bye to Ron. He was apparating to the leaky cauldron where he'd be staying for a few days. No one agreed with his choice to leave before Harry's funeral, but he was of age and could do what ever he wished. I stood on the stairs; it was the furthest I could be away from Ron yet still see him. He was standing in the living room, bags in hand, with Mr. and Mrs. Weasley, Fred, George, and Bill crowded around him. Charlie would be arriving the following morning for Harry's funeral. No one had any idea how long Ron would be gone, but we figured it wouldn't be more than a month. Even so everyone still wanted to give him a farewell, everyone but me that is. Ron shook hands with his brothers and father and hugged his mum tightly._

_"You don't be gone long now, and make sure to eat enough, you better not come back skin and bones." Mrs. Weasley warned him sternly._

_I turned to walk back up to the room I was staying in when the stair I was standing on groaned loudly. Ron and his family looked up from where they were standing in the middle of the living room. Ron's eyes locked with mine. I looked away quickly, I was still hurt and mad about how cruel he had acted towards me this afternoon._

_"Your the greatest bookworm I've ever had the fortune to meet," I heard him say. Then he was gone with a pop. _

_---_

**A/N:** I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! I will be posting the next and _**final **_chapter of this story in a week.


	11. Pulling Him Closer

**Chapter 11:** Pulling Him Closer

**Disclaimer:** Harry Potter belongs to J.K.Rowling, not me!

It had been a long week since I'd found out Ron left again. It had been a long week full of unwanted tears and scolding myself for being such a prat. For thinking that Ron had changed and that even if he hadn't I could somehow remold him into the boy I'd loved all those years ago, before the war.

It was Friday and I was sitting alone in my apartment after work contemplating whether or not I wanted a salad or noodles for dinner, what a life. Jen had of course asked me to go out to dinner with her and David (yes he was still around), but I truly didn't feel like being a third wheel. I told Jen I had tons of cleaning to do and that I would talk to her Saturday. We both knew I could use a few quick spells and have my small apartment cleaned in two minutes, but for once Jen didn't say anything or protest. She knew that I needed to be left alone for the time being. I picked up Crookshanks gingerly and scratched him behind his ears just like he loved.

"You won't ever leave me will you baby?" I asked him. His eyes rested on mine reassuringly and I felt myself smile for the first time that day, he always seemed so humanlike and able to understand all that I said.

I heard a loud pop outside my apartment door and I nearly dropped Crookshanks out of fright. A second later there came a knock on my door. My heart leapt, could it really be...

I threw Crookshanks down on the couch roughly (receiving a disgruntled look from him) and walked swiftly to the door while trying to do the impossible and flatten my bushy hair. I pulled open the light oak door to find myself looking at the person that I so dearly needed to see, knowing that I shouldn't desire to see him at all. I nearly smiled before remembering the past week of crying over him and forced my mouth into a straight line.

"Yes?" I said monotonously. He smiled toothily at me and I couldn't believe it. What gave him the right to smile at me? Not only had he been seeing another girl a mere week after we'd kissed (granted I ran out on him) but he also left again. Just left.

"Hey Hermione," Ron responded softly, "Can I come in?" He was wearing a jumper that looked relatively new and like something Mrs. Weasley would make. I then noticed that he was carrying the jacket I had left at his place that day two weeks ago that he'd had that girl in his apartment.

"I suppose, but only for a minute, I have somewhere I have to be." I said firmly, knowing that I had absolutely nowhere to be tonight or for that matter the next few hundred nights. He walked inside my apartment and threw my coat down over a chair and sat down at my round kitchen table.

"Er...do you have anything to drink?" he asked cautiously. I glared at him and grabbed my wand conjuring up a small mug of butterbeer and slamming it in front of him. He looked mildly alarmed at my rudeness, he didn't even seem to know that I was angry and extremely put off that he had just showed up on my doorstep after we hadn't spoken in weeks. "Better yet have you had anything to drink?" he said while raising his eyebrows.

"So where did you go this time?" I blurted out, unable to help myself. "Don't tell me you had to get away again?" I added sardonically.

"Mione…what are -"

"You know what I'm talking about! I talked to your neighbor Geraldine," I yelled.

"Oh... that," he said, shaking his head with embarrassment. I was so enraged I couldn't even find words to reply with. Why in Merlin's name was he still smiling?

"I well... I thought it was time I visited my family, seen as I haven't seen them in years. I was really only going to go for a day or two but you know my mum; after she was done crying all over me for a bit she said I was looking peaky and that I needed feeding up," he grinned at me and seeing that I wasn't about to return his gesture he wiped the smile off his face before continuing. "I couldn't dare deny my mum the chance to cook for me when I'd been gone for so long. It's the least I could do. I've been a horrible son and you've made me realize how selfish I've been. I also thought she should be the first to know of my intentions of marrying you," his ears and neck turned pink at this point and he raked his hand through his already tousled hair nervously. "That's another reason I had to go back to the Burrow. I wasn't leaving again Hermione, I couldn't."

I was irritated beyond belief. Did he say his intentions of marrying me? Who was he kidding, he couldn't commit to anything or anyone. Not to mention the fact that I would never marry him after all the trouble he's caused, and if he thinks I will then he's mistaken.

"Marrying me? Weren't you the person who not but two weeks ago had another woman walking around your apartment in an undersized skirt and jumper?" he blushed and seemed to be thinking of the best way to explain himself.

"Mora and I are over," he said simply.

I let out a shriek of rage before stomping past him and out of my apartment, through the lobby of the building and outside where the sky was rumbling and rain was falling. Yes I ran outside of my own residence, I have no idea what was going through my head. My feelings and thoughts were not very rational at that point. I wanted to smash something yet at the same time I also wanted to cry at my own stupidity, either way I was distraught. Who was I kidding; of course I wanted to be with Ron, we had always been meant for each other. If only he hadn't began dating that other girl. It was all fine and well that they broke up, but how could he date someone so close to when he had kissed me? The fact that he had begun to date someone else infuriated me and seemed to make things between Ron and I twenty times more complicated. There was no denying it though; I desperately wanted to work things out between Ron and myself. Maybe if I simply went somewhere private and thought this all through a solution to everything would present itself, a simple and painless solution to fix everything that had occurred since the war started. Or possibly if I was just any other girl I could forget the past and march right back upstairs and simply show Ron how I really felt. I blushed at the thought and dismissed the idea entirely. I wasn't about to change myself for others. Yes, if I can fix all of my and Ron's problems since the war including that _scarlet woman;_ then, then maybe we could be together and be happy. Happy, that was an adjective that most certainly did not describe me for the past few years. I almost couldn't remember what happy felt like.

I was pacing back and forth on the sidewalk in front of my apartment building and becoming more wet from the weather with each passing moment. I needed somewhere out of the rain and distant from Ron to think out everything that needed to be fixed. I took one last look at my tall apartment building, closed my eyes, and began to think of my three D's. I was about to apparate to Jen's house when I felt a hand grab my shoulder and spin me around, breaking my concentration.

Ron was standing in front of me looking determined and down right handsome. He was biting his bottom lip as if to ready himself for what he was about to do. I found myself watching each drop of rainwater drip down from his long nose, and then I looked up and examined how both his hair and eyes were intense with life. When he stepped closer to me I wanted to back away but I couldn't, I found myself rooted to the spot in which I was standing. He grabbed the sides of my face with his cold hands and kissed me as hard as he could, causing my knees to buckle and a shiver to run down my spine. It continued to rain, but not like in a romance movie that my mum would watch; the rain was falling so hard that each drop stung my skin. I shoved him in his chest roughly and he stumbled backward. I realized my whole body was shaking and that I was about as composed as Ron would have been back before a quidditch match at Hogwarts.

I brought my trembling fingers up to my mouth slowly. I touched my fingertips to my lips and raised my eyes to lock on Ron's. He took one determined and confident stride back toward me and brought us together once more. He grabbed me around my waist and kissed me forcibly yet somehow tenderly. I didn't push him away this time. In that moment it occurred to me that maybe there wasn't a solution to everything. That every happening, especially love, doesn't require a nice and quiet room to think out every aspect of a relationship and what its faults may be. It was as if Ron's lips on mine were causing me to have an epiphany of some sort. Maybe I simply had to let go of the past, to allow Ron's love to take me away from all of lives problems.

I felt myself, as if I wasn't really Hermione Jane Granger, putting my arms around Ron's neck and pulling him closer to me. My wet blouse and his soaked jumper stuck together, our bodies were so close, and it felt so bloody brilliant. I broke our kiss and looked up into his blue eyes lovingly. All I could think about was how I was no longer alone, how I never would be again.

"What did I do to make you look at me that way?" he murmured through his swollen lips, looking slightly taken aback by the look of intensity in my eyes.

"You loved me Ron. You loved me," and I kissed him. I grabbed the collar of his jumper and kissed him. I wasn't worrying about what would happen the next day or the day after that, I was thinking about how his lips felt on mine. So what if the rain didn't stop for us in that glorious moment. As I've always said: the rain seems to wash away all the hurt and filth in the world just as it was doing now, washing away all the hurt I'd ever felt and leaving me with something beautiful. Anyway, I rather like the rain.

**A/N:** Fin! I really hope you liked it…I wanted the ending to be more than romance- I hoped it to also be of Hermione just finally letting go and realizing that sometimes things don't have a reason for happening or existing. So anyhow, thanks again for all of your reviews and patience with this story, you have no idea how much it meant to me :)


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